Who got voted off American Idol 2011 Season 10

Tonight, American Idol heads for the Windy City, home to the likes of Kanye West and OPRAH!.  Hopefully we will find someone of equal talent here tonight. Or, at least we’ll find someone as entertaining as that Pants on the Ground guy.

American Idol hasn’t been to Chicago since Season 5? Seriously? What’s been their hold up?  The lovely Shania Twain is the guest host tonight.  Her hair is looking nice and big, it’s easy to forget that she’s Canadian and not Southern.  The first contestant, Katelyn Epperly,  has equally big hair.  Her parents are divorced…whose aren’t? Lame sob story.   She’s singing “Syrup and Honey” by Duffy, to which Shania replies, “Yum!” I am loving Shania already.  She is the first girl from Chi-Town to make it to Hollywood.

Next up is Amy Lang, who is a…voluptuous woman, but she has a pretty face! She has had naughty dreams about Ryan.  A self-described “Broadway baby”  She sings “Dr. Feelgood”, and am I horrible for loving her?  She gets four nos…why? I don’t know.  I mean, she fake-passed out and did a booby shake.  Amy, you can be my American Idol.

A skinny girl, Charity Vance, goes next…bet she gets in!  Her parents are hair stylists.  She is singing “Summertime”, a song I love.  There were parts of her rendition I liked and didn’t like.  Simon liked it though, so shaboom! She’s off to Hollywood.

OMG, there is a crazy accordion lady, aptly named, The Crazy Accordion Lady.  She leads a pack of crazies, and trust me: there are some crazies.  The final contestant of the day is Angela Martin, who has auditioned three times already. She actually has a respectable sob story: her father was murdered after she made it to Hollywood in Season 7.  During Season 8, she had to leave because of a traffic warrant.  She’s good…will she have to drop out during Hollywood week this time?  Hopefully the bad luck is over for her, because she seems quite likable.

DAY TWO:  Curly Newbern is the first contestant for Day Two.  He’s singing “A Woman’s Worth” by Maxwell, and even Simon can’t hold it in!  Can we say, if Mickey Mouse and Andy Gibb had a baby, it would still sound better than Curly?

Alannah Gilbert is next and is equally awesome, with a strange croaky falsetto.  She looked kind of like Meg White, but she obviously isn’t going to sell the amount of records that Meggie did, unless she can find her own Jack!  After some more baddies, we get a focus on Bryan Krause, who has Napoleon Dynamite teeth and a pitiful stutter.  He’s singing Tiny Tim, and his Tiny makes Curly sound like a baritone.  Comedian?  We’re bound to get some more good people after the break. And more sob stories. Get ready, people!

Harold Davis joins us after the break, and I officially have to retract what I said about there being some good people after commercials.  He sings “Nice and Slow”, but I wish he’d hurry the hell up and stop singing!  He starts crying, but I’m the one who wants to cry after the baddies that follow!

Then there was John Park.  He is quite possibly the Anoop of this season.  Very soulful voice.  Shania gets all hot and bothered by John…is she the next Paula?  “You have a great bottom end. You have a great tone down there. You have nice lips. You have a great head.”  WTF?  Despite the double entendres, I like John.  Can’t wait to hear more from this guy.

Um, okay. My television is frozen.  Does that mean I’m going to miss the last sob story of the night?  Oh no!!! (Makes Mr. Bill face)  *Unlug, replug*  Oh, okay. There she is.  I missed the sob story…DARN!  Paige Dechausse is her name, and I caught the last few bars of  her audition, which didn’t sound good.  Simon called it indulgent, but she made it to Hollywood.  What was her story again? Something about asthma?  I am with one Tweeter on this year’s sob stories: @ My iPhone’s like, two months old. GAH! It’s like the worst thing EVER. Vote for me.

We get a few more yeses, and then we are out of Chicago! Did we see any Obamas tonight?  I don’t think so, but I have heard worse.  Boston, perhaps?  Tomorrow night we’re in Orlando.  What did you think of tonight’s contestants?

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