Who got voted off American Idol 2011 Season 10

Ahh, American Idol auditions.  So many new faces.  New guest judges.  But part of me is sad. After all, Alexis Cohen has passed on to the great audition room in the sky.  And what is a year of auditions without her?  But I digress.  Let’s get to Boston (no one knows my name!):

Victoria Beckham is the first guest judge in Boston.  To match her beauty is Janice, our first contestant.  She is totally professionally trained y’all…she BOUGHT the Idol game.  I found her rendition of “Pocketful of Sunshine” giggleworthy, but even moreso, Posh’s “Absolutely not” sounded so much like Simon…that’s just what this show needs! A female, skeletal version of Simon. Get on it, Seacreast.

The next girl, Maddy? Mattie? is some girl who is #9 of 12 kids.  One of the siblings has Down Syndrome. Great. Our first sob story. Oh, but wait! Her family didn’t want their kid with Down Syndrome to be lonely, so they adopted two more kids with Down Syndrome.  And while that is nice of their parents, it shouldn’t really be something that has anything to do with her “story” or something that should make us feel “sorry” for her.  I work with people who have Down Syndrome and other developmental disabilities everyday.  It is amazing the things they can do.  They bring delight to everyone around them. So no, I don’t feel sorry for her.  I instantly hate her, given her brother-pimping.  Oh wait, she’s singing Leonard Cohen? Oh, but it’s a choir version of “Hallelujah”?  NEXT.  And yet, she gets in. Of course she does.

The first guy was a dude named Amadeo DeRocco. (Amadeo Amedeo…oh oh rock me Amadeo! Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)  He was likeable, not a great singer, but whatever.  He was of Italian heritage, so the network was of course playing to his stereotypes. Therefore, I will too.  They HAD to pick him, or else they would have been sleeping with the fishes, capish?  Keeping in with the stereotypes, a hippie goes next. Then an anime-loving chick (Alexis Cohen, is that you?), and a creepy hipster.  Two out of three of them were terrible, and the other one, well he was a hipster.  “I’m singing ‘House of the Rising Sun’. Do you know that song?” ROTFLMAO!  They were trying to make him out to be a student from Serial Killing 101, but he actually kind of grew on my by the end of the audition. His singing wasn’t bad, he was kind of cute, and he pissed off Kara, after all!

Ashley Rodriguez is one of the first musical theater students to makes an impression (there were quite a few that didn’t). They actually say “You have a very commercial look.”  So, why don’t they just start saying “Cha-CHING!” when they find a good-looking person who can sing?  Jim Morrison, I mean Tyler Grady, who’s next: Cha-CHING!

A chick they were probably thinking “Cha-CHING!” about when she walked in, until she opened her mouth and tried to sing Mariah Carey. Oh, she sounded like an off-key screeching saxophone? But she had nice breasts!  What does her voice matter?  Thankfully, in this instance, it did. My ears are forever indebted to Simon & Co.

But they DID let Mike Davis through, an 18-year-old kid with nice eyes who butchered the Beatles.  I guess these days though, you get props for picking The Beatles as your audition song.  But what I keep wondering is, why haven’t any of these people from Boston chosen songs by…Boston?

Another highlight is sixteen-year-old Katie Stevens, who of course also has a sob story.  Her grandmother’s dying wish is for her to become famous, lol!  She did have a nice voice while singing “At Last”, but after last year, and Danny Gokey, I don’t know if I can handle any sob stories.  Bottom line this year: I will instantly hate you if you try to pimp out your sick or dead relatives or spouses.  Katie needs to ditch her grandma and focus on her singing. Cause, we all know what happened to Gokey. Oh, right. NOBODY CARES.

So, to follow up Dying Grandmother, we get Wah Wah I Have Cancer.  He’s beefy and good-looking, and he has cancer.  And he can carry a tune.  Cha-CHING! His name was Justin Williams. If he can lose the Wah Wah I Have Cancer bit, I could generally like this guy. Good singer. (He also made it to Top 50 last year)

We get some more Baddies, among them Norberto, a guy dressed as Michael Jackson with a rockin’ mullet singing Cascada.  Hello, YouTube. Goodbye, from my memory by tomorrow night.

A kid I really liked was Bosa Mora, a good-looking Nigerian kid with a pretty good voice. He was a Nigerian who sang a George Strait song. C’mon.  Simon found him boring, but the other judges liked him.  And if you make him the winner, he will give you a large sum of money, transferred directly into your PayPal!

The last contestant of the day is Leah Laurenti.  Her parents wouldn’t let her listen to secular music, so she wants to go on American Idol to prove that her beautiful voice will send her to Hollywood and not Hell.  I could say what’s the difference here, but….

So, as usual, there were some good ones, there were some bad ones, there were some montages, and there were some sob stories.  But there was no Ellen! Tomorrow night we’re in Atlanta, close to my old stomping grounds. See ya then!

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