Last night, the Top 12 Guys took the Idol stage. But, of course the girls needed a turn to hopefully do better than the boys. We know how bad they sucked…
When they welcomed the judges, I was totally thinking that J-Lo was a DISCO BALL. And those Thigh High Boots did not help her any. She has a nice body, but not in that outfit. Jesus.
After all the useless small talk between Ryan and the judges, we finally went on with the show. So, here is my recap of the Top 12 Girls Performance on Idol. If you would like to see more of what the judges had to say, you can go checkout Jebbica’s Live Blog.
Tatynisa (Tatas) Wilson | “Only Girl in the World” by Rihanna
I kinda like Rihanna, but I don’t like Tat singing it. And although the dress was cool looking, I thought her upper half was going to come flying out. I was bracing myself for it.
The judges liked it, well, except Randy thought it was a bit pitchy, and a bit comparable. I like her shoes. Give me those, and get rid of her. Ugh.
Naima (Sunshine) Adedapo | “Summertime” by George Gershwin
Her weird dance moves really reminded me of when I have a stomach ache, or am constipated and trying to get everything moving. Oh, was that TMI? My bad… She did, however, designed her dress though, but had someone else sew it. I thought it was a bit much, her dress and the performance… But the judges liked it. She looks a lot better when she has makeup on. Baha.
Kendra (Unmemorable) Chantelle | “Impossible” by Christina Aguilera
I liked her outfit… and her vocals weren’t bad, but a bit boring. The judges liked it. Why can I never remember her? Ugh. Her and Tim are so unmemorable. They must go.
Rachel (Kitten Killer 2.0) Zevita | “Criminal” by Fiona Apple
I like how she’s singing a song called “Criminal” and yet, she totally is one. You can’t tell me she hasn’t murdered something in her life. She is one whack looking girl. Steven said her performance was Broadwayish… YES, I agree. It was too Burlesque. She’s weird. Randy said it wasn’t good. I think she’s going home. Well, unless all those creepy people out there (you know who you are) voted for her.
Karen (Mophead) Rodriguez | “Hero” by Mariah Carey
She is so much prettier with straight hair. The whole thing was okay, I mean I guess she has a good voice, and I thought it was cool that she sang in Spanish for part of the song. Having said that, it was boring. SOOOOO boring. The judges loved it though, because they know nothing. Ugh. These girls have no unff.
Lauren (Dykman) Turner | “Seven Day Fool” by Etta James
DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WINNER! She actually had pizazz. Holy crap. The judges liked her. Randy said it could be Amy Whinehouse meets Florence And The Machine. I don’t agree with that. But, I’m happy that she/he did something other than just stand there and be BORING. Jesus. These people were depressing me. How do they expect to get votes when they’re singing people to sleep? I liked it. She was one of the better ones thus far.
Ashton (Epic Hair) Jones | “Love All Over Me” by Monica
Her hair is amazing. That’s one good thing to say about her. And possibly the only good thing. I didn’t get her outfit either… and her personalty is bleh. Although J-Lo seemed to think she was fabulous and the epitome of a “diva”. And all her weird looks in the camera; I felt my soul being sucked out of me. Oh right, I don’t have one. WELL IT WAS STILL CREEPY.
Julie (Prom Queen) Zorrilla | “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson
No. En Oh. She killed that song and not in a good way. Randy said it right, she didn’t bring anything different to the song, and it was not that great. The judges overall, were not huge fans of the whole thing and I think she should just get voted off and go back to going to her high school prom where she came from.
Haley (Huge Piehole) Reinhart | “Fallin” by Alicia Keys
Randy is a grumpy arse who thinks she didn’t do well. She was by far the best of the night… thus far. But, the other 2 judges liked it. I like her hair. And her voice has something unique about it. So, I think she should stick around. I don’t think she’s very old either.
Thia (Fish-Faced-Lipster) Megia | “Out Here On My Own” by Irene Cara
She was 15 when she tried out. That’s wild to me. Why was I born talentless? WHY? She sounds way older when she’s singing then when she’s talking. Why do all of these girls look and sound so old? AHHH! The judges loved it. I thought she has a good voice.
Lauren (Peaches) Alaina | “Turn on the Radio” by Reba McEntire
She seriously is awesome. And has the best clothes. The song was a little weird for her to sing. But, she doesn’t come off as a teenager anyway… so it worked. And is was exciting. She was the best of the night, or at least one of the best. The judges loved her. And so do I. She’ll win. That is all.
Pia (Stuck-Up-Snot-Rag) Toscano | “I’ll Stand By You” by The Pretenders
She seems arrogant and looks snotty to me. I guess she has a good voice, but I just don’t like her very much. The judges gave her a standing ovation just to add on to it. The judges were in love with it. Meh. I know this is a “singing competition”, but have some personalty.
Wow. Sorry for such a lame article. These girls gave me nothing to work off of. They were all so boring, but yet, nothing to really make fun of. Ah well.
Who was your favourite performance? And who do you think is going home?
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