Who got voted off American Idol – American Idol 2011 Season 10

We’re back for another, and totally different, season of American Idol.  With Simon Cowell leaving to pursue X Factor agendas, Ellen quitting on his heels, Kara getting fired (she did get fired, right?) and Paula long gone into Live to Dance, Randy Jackson is starting out this season with two judges that you’ll probably recognize.  Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Jennifer Lopez, aka J Lo, aka Jenny From The Block.  Aw Yeah.

It’s me, Lizaio, here with your live blog of a totally non-live show.  Just think of it as you’re watching these audition tapes with me, laughing maniacally, maybe even crying a little.  So, with no further ado, here is the live blog of the non live show, narrated by yours truly.

Clips and clips of news clips start out this first episode of the 10th (final?  nah!) season of American Idol.  They’re showing us all the fanfare of the new judge picks.  J Lo wore something that day that accentuated her hips to a ridiculous level, but that’s our J Lo.  We love her, right?

So the Hubs just says to me, “Wait, these are the auditions?  I hate this part.”  We don’t, do we Idol Fans?

125,000 people auditioned this year.  I’d be interested to see the stats on previous years.  Idol Master, do you has those facts?

J Lo decided to be a judge to change people’s lives.  Steven Tyler, lead singer of Aerosmith, has “a swagger, all his own.”  He’s also thirsty and hungry to find the Janis Joplin of this era, and apparently we’ll have some beeps as he tries to reign in the filter between his brain and his mouth.

They’re jumping back and forth between Glamour-shot worthy photos of Jennifer Lopez, and they save an epic blurb for Randy Jackson, who thinks the new judges will bring “wild energy” to the panel.  But it’ll be Hawt, and you know it.

Let’s see some AUDITIONS ALREADY.  Sheesh.

Montage, montage, montage, montage.  Nekkid people, bad gymnastics, montage, montage.  SIDEBURNS.  You’re not missing much so far, West Coasters.  Where’s my girl Sheryl, anyway?  You there?

Jimmy Iovine is a new addition to the team.  Head of Interscope Records, Jimmy will work as a “consultant” to find the next Lady Gaga, Black Eyed Pea(s?) and to plug Interscope Records, probably.  Why not?

New GLEE! February 8th.  Hooray!

So the auditions start in New Jersey in early August.  Constantine Whats-His-Name was there for some unknown reason.  After much cheering, some inane interviews with the judges, mission statements by would-be contestants, and some spooky voice echoes, they FINALLY start the freakin’ auditions.

First up is Rachel Zevita.  Click to see updates!  She auditioned with some opera in Season 6, but got cut the first day of Hollywood Week.  She’s a fighter, and is wearing jeggings with red pumps.  Ala Jessica Simpson.  J Lo tells her that she recognizes the girl, and that she and Mark thought she should have gone through in Hollywood.  She’s singing “Hallelujah”, which to me is very risky after Lee DeWyze’s stunning performance last season.  She’s got a pretty good voice, but she’s trying to do too much with it.  They’re not loving the audition, but Tyler wants to “water her flower” so I guess she makes it through.  First through to Hollywood Week, Rachel Sevita.  We’ll later find out that ol’ Rachel has a conflict, but you’ll have to check out her page to find out!

Next to the hot seat is Caleb Holly, and he’s singing some song I’ve never heard of.  Now’s about the time Cait and Jebbica will ask me about that rock I’ve been living under.  This guy is cracking and pitchy and not doing great, as far as I’m concerned, but Tyler seems SUPER stoked.  What will the judges say?  He made it through, and I guess it was a Ray Charles song, so now my husband refuses to speak to me.  Great.  Thanks, Idol.  He’s cute, though, so maybe he’ll be less nervous.

Kensey Palmer is 15 years old, because now 15-year-olds are allowed to audition.  She goes to a performing arts school for musical theater.  She’s doing a lot of runs, but she’s good.  What will the judges say?  Randy says yes, despite the fact that Steven Tyler wasn’t feeling the pizazz, though he soon acquiesced.  She makes it through.  We’re three for three, folks.  This is too easy.  We’re going to have to have a stinker sooner or later.

A bunch of other people make it through.  They’re setting us up for Achille, to whom they’re obviously going to say no.  Let’s see…

Well, it’s not a great sign when Randy starts singing RIGHT OFF.  She’s singing “Dress You Up” by Madonna ala an albatross (Buffy reference).  She says she’s going to a vocal coach.  I say she needs to fire the vocal coach.  Jennifer Lopez agrees with me.  So does Randy.  Jennifer is having an adverse reaction to saying no.  She’s so pretty.

Steven Tyler keeps saying, “They have a dream.”  Sorry, Steven, but it’s your job to kill that dream, when necessary.  It’s a double-edged sword, Judges.  Randy’ll tell you.

Did anybody just see that trailer for I Am Number Four?  Whoa.

And…we’re back.

We’re getting a little lesson in Jersey stuff.

Tiffany Rios is telling us how to achieve a classic Jersey hairdo.  First, you always need a teasing brush (comb?) with you?  She’s been blessed with her butt and back or something, and she has stars pasted on her bewbs.  She’s a dance instructor who wants to make Jennifer Lopez cry.  Jennifer Lopez is her hero.  Jennifer Lopez made HER cry.  The tables turned.  Right there.  Just now.  Jennifer gets up to hug her, which is nice.  She’s singing an original song about getting put through the next round.  It’s.   Oh.  It’s not good.  But it’s not terrible.  It’s sort of like that girl that kept hanging around and giggling.  She didn’t suck, but she was…  Tiffany is singing another song now.  It’s more emotional, so she’s covering her boob stars.

You know what?  She’s got a pretty voice.  Let’s see what the judges have to say.  First off, Steven Tyler said “Tushola” and I love that about him.  Tiffany makes it through, with much rejoicing and screaming.  Yay.  I like this girl.

Stripey Dress Girl made Steven Tyler sad.  Lace Sleeves made everybody flinch.  Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite made everybody sad.

There’s a little montage of how Jennifer Lopez has a hard time saying no and how people try to take advantage of that.  Stop trying to take advantage of Jennifer Lopez, people.

Melika of the turquoise dress cures J Lo of her saying no problem.  Jennifer says no, and the girl says OK, and Jennifer still feels bad.

Now we get our first sad story, Robbie Rosen, who had a bad disease as a little kid that made him paralyzed.  He was in a wheelchair for a while, but now he walks around great, and he’s cute as a button.  He’s 16 years old, and he has wanted to get on the Idol stage since he was 7 years old.  He’s doing some Beatles, so he better do good.

Yep.  He did just fine.  They all really liked him a lot.  He’s going to Hollywood.

Everybody thinks J Lo is pretty.  All the girls think Steven Tyler is the bee’s knees.  He plays to that, for sure.  There’s a whole montage of flirting set to Aerosmith music.

Chris Cordeiro, pending Eagle Scout, is rocking a straw hat, and showing us is PSA against texting and driving.  Thank you, Chris.  Good advice.  Why he’s dressed like a combination of Hunter S. Thompson and Bill Murray from Caddyshack, I don’t know, but he’s pretty sure he can be the next American Idol.

“My Way” by Frank Sinatra may not have been the best choice.  Ryan’s hanging out with the guy’s whole family, while the judges prepare to let him down easy.  He insists on doing the chorus, with a brand new accent.  His mom was a better singer.  Randy laughed.  Chris was aghast.  I’m aghast.  That was depressing.

Montage, montage.  Montage of judges saying “no.”  Montage of people crying.

Burpy plaid shirt guy.  Oh boy.  Michael Perotto is singing Ike and Tina Turner.  It’s karaoke-worthy for sure, and Steven Tyler is providing the percussion.  So it’s a fun audition.  But Jennifer makes him stop and Steven Tyler asked him if he ate a lot of paint chips as a child.  Michael says he can bring it right now, so he starts singing…something unrecognizable.  Oh, it was..oh never mind.  Steven tells him he’d be great for Broadway, but Randy tells him not to sing anywhere.  Michael thought Randy’s comments were hurtful, and he said he wasn’t going to give up.

Ashley Sullivan is next.  At 25 years old she says that Britney Spears is her idol, nay, her GODDESS.  She hopes to have a career a lot like Britney’s.  The jokes.  They’re too easy!  She’s singing “Gimme Gimme” by Modern Millie.  Was that right?  The judges are speechless.  I’m speechless.  Jennifer says she’d be great for Broadway.  Ashley wants to be a mainstream showtones singer.  She’s on her knees begging one minute, and she’s dancing on her knees ala Kat McPhee the next, then she’s sobbing and Jennifer is losing it, and Randy tells her no.  Jennifer says to give her a golden ticket.  And TYLER PUTS HER THROUGH!  Ashley Sullivan FTW!

Annnnddd, we’re back.  The auditions are winding down.  The new contestant is a sweet little girl from North Carolina who is 16 (and three quarters) who is stoked because she got to hug and touch Ryan Seacrest.  Victoria Huggins is her name.  She does a little Gladys – Midnight Train to Georgia.  She’s ready to be the Twenty Eleven American Idol.  They think she’s funny and cute, and Jennifer says yes.  Steven is a little letchy, and he gives her a yes, too.  She “Yo Yo Dawgs” to Randy, and he is knocked out.  Randy says she has the most personality ever on Idol.  She makes it through.

HOWEVER, her Official Webpage shows her making appearances in February and March, so we guess she didn’t make it through Hollywood Week.  Unless she’s, like, the bionic teenager.  I guess we’ll see.

Melinda Ademi is from Kosovo, her family are war refugees.  Her story is so sad and redemptive and awesome all at the same time.  I hope she rocks.  I’m actually kind of teary-eyed watching her parents talk.  And I think she’s got a great, clear, pretty voice.  Steven Tyler likes that she’s very “pretty and beautiful” and he says yes.  Randy says yes.  Jennifer Lopez says yes.  She makes it through, and her parents are so stoked and I’m sort of crying now.

Day Two, y’all.

Devyn Rush is a singing waitress in Times Square.  She’s kinda great.  I forgot to type.  Steven Tyler said it was delicious.  I love that he said that.  Jennifer Lopez thought it was unexpected.  Randy thinks she has just the right amount of sauce.  They want her to dress better.  Whatevs.  She’s awesome.  She makes it through, despite the jeans.  Since when are we fashion critics.  Oh yeah.  Always.

Some Oomp Loompa sang that Plain White T’s song.  That is all.  No, not really.

Yoji “Pop” Asano is next, and his look is killer.  He’s been imitating Michael Jackson since before he was born.  That’s AMAZING!  How did he do that?  What is this song?  He’s doing the Robot, and then he’s doing Michael Jackson moves.  WE HAVE FOUND OUR FAVORITE BAD ACT!  This is the Pants on the Ground of Season 10.

The Rite, yeah?  How awesome does that look?

Montage of pure crap.  Great.

Sixteen-year-old Brielle Von Hugel and her father have sang doo-wop together for a long time.  Her pops got throat cancer, but he is now cancer-free and he thanks her for that.  She’s singing “Endless Love” and her family is so tense and nervous for her.  Steven Tyler says she has a beautiful voice and he likes the flower in her hair.  Randy wants her to bring her dad in.  Steven says yes again.  Jennifer warns her that she has work to do, but says yes.  Randy thinks she has potential, and they tell her in front of her sweet Dad that she made it to Hollywood.

Last contestant, after a montage of crying people.  Travis Orlando is 16 years old.  He has a twin named Timmy.  Travis has a shirt on that says “It’s Gonna Be Fantastic” and I love that about him.  He’s talking about his crappy neighborhood in the Bronx, and how they had to live in a shelter.  His dad got sick and they lost their home, like so many families in this crap economy.  This is a story that could happen to any of us, and this cute kid has this open smile and is totally positive.  That’s what this show is about.  I hope he’s awesome.

He’s going to do some Beatles.  “Eleanor Rigby.”  Risky, but he’s doing it kind of jazzy.  Great tone, and such an open face.  Steven wanted to hear something else, so he does “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.  His mom is crying outside.  Randy is waffling a little.  Jennifer likes his tone, too.  Me and Jennifer have that in common.  Randy says yes.  Steven says yes, and so does Jennifer.  Travis makes it through, and I’m officially a fan.

That’s it for tonight’s show, folks.  Comment your little hearts out, My Pretties.  They put through 51 people from the New Jersey auditions, and tomorrow night we’ll see the New Orleans auditions.

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