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The Seattle  Auditions of American Idol 2007 were “Bloody Aweful”. There are not many highlights but plenty of low lights or low lifes if we took Simon Cowell’s word for it. Here is another person’s opinion of the Seattle Auditions

Seattle doesn’t seem to bring limitless talent to the table.  Contestants in the early portion of the show can’t sing, but they sure can argue.  Simon is told off with vivid verbs, and contestants refuse to take “NO!” for an answer.  Once given the opportunity to audition, they decline the opportunity to leave the stage, howling on and on until even the viewers are begging for a reprieve.  There is the girl who is at the point of being carried off the stage and she continues to wail off key, off pitch, and off her rocker. 

Then we have Darwin Reedy a plus size female with blonde hair, black glasses, and a smear of some horrid red lipstick who insists that she is sexy.  Her mom even joins her on the audition stage to offer excuses for her daughter’s caterwauling.  One determined audition hopeful Tommy Daniels sleeps behind a trash can while waiting for his opportunity to perform on the stage.  When he performs, he comes across as mediocre, but he is so much more pleasant than his competitors that the judges react in an overly positive manner and send him through.  Ryan is left holding Thomas’ dog while he auditions.  I wonder if he is going to bring his “pocket pup” all the way to the competition. It appears that many have brought their mini-pets to the audition, and to be honest, I would rather hear them howl than listen to their owners.

Carlene, self described as “fluffy” was going to sing one song, but decides to wing it when she hears that it is not one of Simon’s more popular tunes.  Instead, she sings something that is nearly unintelligible and is given the boot, although she is polite.  She mocks herself and says she sang like goat.  I can’t disagree with her.   A guy with pointy hair named Blake bops his way through.  I am losing faith in the judges.  I think Seattle is lowering the bar more than just a tad.

Seattle is a talent vaccum.  It must be the rain, or perhaps Americans have designated it the place to isolate all the vocally inept.  A brother-sister team decide to audition separately and it is clear that they are not Seattle natives for she can actually hold a note and so can he!  Both are put through. I think with them taking the bus to Hollywood, Seattle is officially tuneless, pitchless, and totally tone deaf.  Don’t go there without your umbrella…… and earplugs.

It seems Salt Lake doesn’t send their talent to Seattle.  Nick Zitzmann ”Nick from Utah” isn’t.  Simon sits like a stunned bunny after being treated to Nicholas Zitzmann’s version of “Unchained Melody.” His yowling even has Paula looking for a soundproof room.

 The next contestant, Rudy, catches them unawares when they hear that he is in a band and they perk up when he can actually carry a note.  Rudy gets a pass by Simon, but Paula and Randy are taken with him and put him through.

Day Two doesn’t get any better.  When the voices don’t improve, Paula has fun with their actions.  She cracks up over the antics of on contestant, but you can see that the judges are definitely weary of listening to off pitch keening and wailing.  They come on as Taylor Hicks wannabees singing bohemian crapsody.  There are few bright spots.  One young lady will find it easy reaching for the stars. At 6′7″ with a passable voice, she has her golden ticket to Hollywood. 

Jordin Sparks imported from Arizona saves the day.  She comes on a bit strong for Simon, but she is good enough for him to pass on some appropriate advice and with Paula and Randy’s excited approval, she also gets her golden ticket to Hollywood.

The show doesn’t end on a good note, however.  Rejects get together and sing a group rendition of “Don’t-cha” that Ryan just about covers when he says, “Twenty-seven reasons to catch the next flight out of Seattle, and twenty-eight reasons never to return.”

Let’s hope that they find a reason for us to tune in with the next round of auditions in Memphis or we will all be looking for the midnight train to Georgia.  Really, can it get any worse? We will see next Tuesday, Jan. 23, 2007  01/23/2007 

 

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